fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
