I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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