One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if i died would you start the facebook group?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
