i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
