She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
