I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
