I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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