people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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