I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
