Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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