i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
