census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How does one acquire holy water?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
