Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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