you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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