You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
