hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
