1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
