I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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