cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If I die, sorry about rent.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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