i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
