just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
