I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize