Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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