I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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