I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
