currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
