im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
