so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
