happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize