paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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