I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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