Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
