You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
