and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize