Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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