you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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