community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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