we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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