So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
