he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
