If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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