when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
