it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
