My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
