My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
