if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
