the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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