Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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