nut hugger
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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