Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
