She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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