I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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