You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
