Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
