I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
