oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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