My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I could fuck to npr.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
