Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
