A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
