I looked at my own cervix.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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