you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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