i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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