Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize